Harry Potter News and Commentary
What would you get if you crossed Harry Potter with Saved by the Bell? Lucy Knisley has written an amusing comic that depicts the Hogwarts crew in setting of a 1980s high school. John Cusack as Harry and Christopher Lloyd as Dumbledore is funny stuff. Somehow, I can’t see Mark Paul Gosselaar as Draco Malfoy.
For those of us who are fans of Labyrinth, David Bowie as Voldemort is laugh-out-loud funny.
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{ 32 comments… read them below or add one }
Funny! Except, I can better see some other characters here. Hermione would have been played by Molly Ringwald. And James Spader would have been Draco Malfoy. Mark Paul Gosselar would have been Cedric Diggory.
Neville = Jon Cryer
Crabbe and Goyle = Charlie Sheen and Emilio Esteves
Others…? Desperately trying to figure out Snape… Alan Rickman was around in the 80s — and actually closer to the right age…
**** “characters” should be “actors”.
Yes, Gosselar as Diggory would be much better. Or Mario Lopez.
Ha! This I gotta see! Sounds super-fun…
Bowie is inspired casting as Voldemort ( pick a narcissist to play one) although I can see him even better as Grindelwald. Tom Cruise might have had a passable go at Voldemort as well. Especially as teen-age Voldemort.
Val Kilmer would have been good as Malfoy.
Peter O’Toole would have been – and still would be – excellent as Dumbledore.
Really hard to think who would have made a good Snape. Rickman has defined and shaped the character for me so I can’t see back to the Snape of the books. Someone uglier, more awkward…
Well, if we can have David Bowie as Voldemort, how about Mick Jagger or Keith Richards for Snape? They both fit the bill for Arabella’s preference for uglier, although I’m not sure about the awkward part. Also, even though we probably should stick to British actors, I’ve just had the thought that Jack Elam would have been a GREAT Mad-Eye Moody!
And Elam wouldn’t have even needed a prosthetic eye!
Ooohhh! Val Kilmer. Personally, I think he would have made a smashing Luna Lovegood!
Tom Cruise? Hmmm… I can’t think of a character to which Cruise could *cough*elevate*cough* his skills.
We need to find roles for Schwarzenegger and Stallone. Karkaroff and Fenrir Greyback?
Oh, and since is the 1980s version of HP, that means Bruce Willis has to be Sirius Black.
Bruce Willis as Sirius – absolutely!
Dave, I think you’re underestimating Tom Cruise. I am by no means a fan, but take a look at Collateral and Magnolia and tell me he can’t do a narcissistic psychopath. The boy-next-door looks hide some serious pathology – just what’s called for in Tom Riddle.
I think that Christopher Walken could do evil-Snape. He might be able to do the “Look at me” Snape, but it would have a pretty hard edge.
I like the idea of John Cusack as Harry. His movie Better Off Dead is a classic for the ages.
For Draco, William Zabka, who played Johnny the chief bully in The Karate Kid would be great.
I also like how they sneaked in the old trope about the shy, nerdy, supposedly unattractive girl who’s the side kick of the hero who later turns out to be a bombshell & the hero finally realizes that’s who he loves. Michelle Meyrink was the queen of that!
What about Willem Dafoe for Snape?
This is hilarious! I think I can see Zach Morris as Draco……Blonde, preppy boy from the “in” crowd.
When I think 80’s movies, I think Ferris Bueller, so I vote for Matthew Broderick for Harry.
How about Lisa Kudrow for Luna, and Jeanine Garofalo for Hermione???
You mean Janeane Heather – Twice the taste in half the time for the gal on the go – Mooney Garofalo?
Totally.
Okay… If Garofalo is Hermione, that means we have to move Molly Ringwald to………… Ahhh. Perfect. Lavender Brown.
Yes, Red Rocker, that is who I meant. I can never remember how to spell her name, though.
Don’t get me started on Better off Dead, revgeorge! One of my all-time-favourites.
So I’d cast Aaron Dozier (Roy Stalin, Lane Meyer’s nemesis) as Draco. Or then again, Ted McGinley (Stan Gable from Revenge of the Nerds).
Dan Schneider (Ricky) as one half of Crabbe & Goyle?
But I’d have to go for Matthew Broderick as Harry. No, I’d cast Ferris Bueller as Harry. John Cusack will have to slide across to Neville. No, Alan Ruck (Cameron from Ferris Bueller’s) as Neville. Scruffy John Cusack up and he might work as Snape. He does tortured well.
And could I have Diane Franklin (the cute French exchange student) as Hermione? But we need somewhere for Wynona Ryder. She might do a good Luna.
And could we have Jenny Agutter as Molly? She looks nothing like her but if I’m casting, she’s in.
Jennifer Grey as Ginny? Feisty enough.
And sorry Red Rocker, I can’t let Tom Crusie anywhere near this. But you are right: he does narcissistic psychopathology very well. Too well…
Patrick Swayze as Nearly-headless Nick.
Max Headroom as the Sorting Hat.
… Sorry for the extra post:
Ben Stein (the Economics teacher in Ferris) as Binns.
Ed Rooney as Filch.
Sean Penn as Sirius Black.
Ralph Macchio as Harry and Pat Morita as Dumbledore.
Demi Moore as Bellatrix.
I can picture a ‘wax on – wax off’ wand style!
John Candy as Hagrid.
Boy things would have been different if Rowling as American!
… was American. Sorry.
Ogre from Revenge of the Nerds as Hagrid.
Alan Alda as Snape. Or maybe Bert from Sesame Street
Pat Drummond from Different Strokes as Dumbledore.
Henry Morgan from MASH as Mad Eye.
Miss Piggy as Hermione.
The Count as Voldemort: Seven! Seven beautiful horcruxes! Ha ha ha! *lightning and thunder*
David Ogden Stiers as Snape: very cutting. Needs more hair though.
Shaggy (Scooby Doo) as Ron.
No to Alda as Snape. He can be Cornelius Fudge.
Freddy as Cedric Diggory. Velma as Hermione.
How about Frank Burns(AKA “Ferret Face”) as Filch???
Hot Lips could be Trelawney!
And how about Gilbert Godfried as Peeves???:-)And maybe Peewee Herman as Sir Cadogan???
Ricky Shroeder (Silver Spoons) as Draco Malfoy.
Matthew Broderick (Wargames) or Michael J. Fox (Back to the Future) as Harry Potter.
Molly Ringwald as Ginny Weasley.
Christopher Lloyd (Doc Brown/Back to the Future) as Dumbledore. Flux Capacitor as the Time Turner. Buff as Crabbe or Goyle.
Frank Burns as Peter Pettigrew. Either Alan Alda/Captain Pierce or Henry Winkler as Sirius Black. Sigourney Weaver (Ghostbusters) as Bellatrix LeStrange. Farrah Fawcett as Narcissa Malfoy. Dolph Lundgren as Lucius Malfoy.
Anthony Michael Hall as Colin Creevey. Emilio Estevez as Oliver Wood (“we’re going to train harder, longer,” “catch the snitch or die trying” ). Scott Baio as Cormac McClaggen. Sarah Jessica Parker (Square Pegs) as Lavender Brown. Punky Brewster as Hermione.
Or actually, Buff as Dudley Dursley. Tootsie as Molly Weasley. The boss from 9 to 5 as Cornelius Fudge! Lisa Simpson (hey, technically it started in the 80s) as Hermione.
George Jefferson as Snape.
Edward James Olmos as Snape.